Memoirs written in prose of Sergeant Robertson, Damon M. USMC while in Iraq | ...with frequent appearances of King Hammurabi.
If you are new to this journal, make sure to start reading in chronological order by scrolling down to the bottom of the oldest post in October 2004. Damon's letters from August 20th, 2004 - October 23rd, 2004 were all added to this blog on Oct. 23rd, 2004. All subsequent letters are posted in real time.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
Hammurabi, USMC - DMR
Dear F&F: You can thank R.H. for the following admission. Not that you wouldn't have heard of it eventually anyway, but since someone actually asked... ... Hammurabi and all other schizo characters aside, this little experience in Iraq actually *does* resemble an episode of Hogan's Heroes moreso than... how did R.H. put it? ...oh yeah. "It seems like you're in the Twilight Zone and not a warzone..." ... subject: "Mach Humping" We've all seen the way young dogs attempt to establish dominance over other living beings in their environment: they hump. "Saddle Up and Ride" might as well be Charlie's motto. He's a young dog. What can we expect? Well, as much as i'm keen about having my leg humped, my response was generally to pimp-slap his silly iraqi mutt face. The response I have is much different when one of my fellow Marines attempts to sieze the mantle of "Alpha Male." Super Marine can be blamed for starting it. He'd shuffle up beside an unsuspecting victim and start "freaking" them, loudly proclaiming his victory a split second later. It's a surprise at first, and generally you only resist the first few times, and after that surrender to the inevitability. I mean, the more show you make of resisting, the more he gets egged on, so why bother? Well, it got to this boiling point, see. After all, a man can only take so much humping before the long suppressed "fight or flight" mechanism really kicks in. And no real Marine runs. So one day, as if by plan, everyone on our shift took our vengeance, sometimes piling on him three at a time in what *could* still be described as a dog pile... or something. Even the mighty Super Marine, detainer of would-be bombadiers, now submits to the inevitable... Yet, Charlie, being a dog, got left out of this equation. I mean, in the best of all possible worlds none of us would have ever freaked the other. It's GAY. I mean, GAY GAY GAY or at least if not really gay, it opens one up for the inevitable accusation [to which a defiant "SO WHAT?" is invincible repudiation, as things have turned out]. The Stormin' Mormon, who technically oversees Charlie when he's tied up, got fed up with his young puppyness one day and... in keeping with the principle that one is most likely to succeed in communicating in a manner in which his audience is prepared to understand... Humped Charlie. [spun the irrational hairball around, picked him up and did the Elvis Dance] I have never seen such a look of resignation and shame ... on the face of a dog. You can slap him, yell, do whatever. You can try to run him over with a C130, but he'll still be a young dog, and until you can hump him, you ain't got S*. One day, freezing my kiester off on guard duty, Charlie comes swaggering up to me, having been turned loose for his morning constitutional. In relational terms, I'm the "nice parent" to Charlie, who gets to bite my boots and run amock whenever I'm the only human around. But basically, charlie doesn't really respect me in that fundamental way... this morning, being frozen from the toes to the stupid haircut, Charlie's "Initial Greeting," i.e. humpathon, wasn't so welcome. So I did what any red blooded American would do. ... I wonder sometimes why no one ever makes a movie about the "real marine corps." It has nothing to do with the hard-ass persona we have in the media. It generally has everything to do with such things as mach-humps, breaking expensive things when we're bored, etc. We get into lots of trouble, making the phrase "a bored Marine is a dangerous Marine" very pertinent. oh well. whaddya gonna do.... ... :D
# posted by chevas @ 1:57 AM 